Breaking News! Cuteness Overload

A News Story Brought to you by Abigail Strauss

Breaking news from the epicenter of Tokyo: citizens and tourists alike are fainting from cuteness overload. Your loyal reporter is on the case, and the truth will be revealed. Here’s what we know so far:

Cuteness overloads usually begin with a chorus of “awws” that quickly progresses to fainting, swooning, and barfing rainbows. The phenomenon seems to be coming from the store Stickers and Capsules.

The police have closed off the area, but still, more unsuspecting people continue to wander in and receive the full brunt of cuteness. Oh wait! I have just gotten an update. There is a person who was unaffected by the cuteness. They seemed to have gained immunity by wearing sunglasses.

Police are now suiting up, preparing to enter the store. New developments! It seems that inside are the most amazing capsules and stickers ever. It is quite easy to tell how the cuteness overload sickness began with these.

For those of you who don’t know, gashapon (also called capsules) are very popular in Japan. Costing about 200 to 500 yen, they are little randomized balls with different prizes inside. The prizes differ between machines. They are usually keychains, but all sorts of things can be won, from plushies and watches to cards and jewelry.

Urgent update! The source has been found, and is different from what was suspected. It is a mini pig riding a capybara! They have escaped from nearby cafes. The capybara is inserting coins into a claw machine, and the pig is piloting the claw. I can’t believe it—they’ve done it! The mini Kirby has been won! The police are going wild, and mobs of people are swarming outside of Stickers and Capsules.

The animals have escaped from the nearby animal cafe. Yes, this is an actual thing in Japan. Anything from otters and hedgehogs to snakes and owls, these cafes are spread all over the city. Often, these are booked weeks in advance, so if you want to visit one, you need to plan ahead.

The capybara and mini pig have been successfully returned to their home, and all is well again. But with the amount of adorable things in Japan, it won’t be long until cuteness overload strikes again.

Up next, the vending machine company, Tabe Tari Non Dari is getting sued for selling chicken broth disguised as peach soda. The claim is that it was spat out all over their boss, resulting in a firing. Tabe Tari Non Dari are saying that it was obvious it wasn’t soda.

Signing off, Abigail Strauss; your international reporter.

Personal Note:

I have absolutely loved Japan. The amazing food, how clean it is, the shrines and temples, and of course; the cute trinkets. The amount of keychains you see on a daily basis is astonishing, and most are owned by adults! The designs are so adorable, that you can’t peel your eyes away. We spent half an hour looking at a wall of stickers while trying to pick one! I’m definitely going to come back to this amazing country, and I can’t wait until then.