Clash of the Cuisines

The Story of World War Food

By Abigail Strauss

Tension has been brewing for far too long. With the upcoming cooking competition, all that pent-up anger is finally boiling over. That’s right—your loyal reporter is back on the scene, this time for what may become World War Food.

Let’s take a look at what has happened over the past few weeks to lead to this moment. It all started with a baguette claiming it was better than a bruschetta. It escalated when pizzas retaliated, sparking an uprising among falafels. All of this eventually led the cuisines to turn on one another, each claiming they were the best. It is war!

I am now situated on the battlefield, prepared to keep you updated on all that is happening. So far, we are at a standstill, an unsteady truce keeping peace between the cuisines. Oh no! A confused taquito has wandered onto the field and bumped into a croissant. The ceasefire has been disrupted! Get ready for some chaos.

The Italian cavalry has arrived, twirling noodles like lassos. And there’s the Mexican army, loading burrito bombs into their snack-a-pults. The French army is charging onto the battlefield with baguette bayonets. The Greek army appears to be missing—oh wait! They’ve been tunneling underground and have just revealed themselves by launching geysers of tzatziki onto surrounding troops.

This is crazy! All of these cuisines are smashed together in one place. And in the middle is one protester—a little slice of cake trying to keep the peace. Get it? A piece of cake keeping the peace? Ha!

Wait! It seems like the Greek foods have heard my joke! Could they be… chuckling? They are! And a little gyro has just told it to an enchilada, who told it to a fruit tart and a supplì. Is it possible that the war is over?

Now, the generals are stepping forward to shake hands. It’s true! World War Food is over before it started! And to think it was all because of a little joke I made. Well, there’s still the cooking competition soon. Hopefully, that will go okay—considering the peace between cuisines rests solely on a piece of cake.

Wait, what’s that on the horizon? Breaking news! Twenty-foot-tall humans are stomping toward the armies, holding massive pitchforks in one hand. Two are rubbing their bellies, and one is tucking a napkin into its shirt! Will the cuisines be able to band together and fight against our common enemy? I am now stopping on a cliffhanger to annoy and frustrate you. We will continue coverage in eight weeks.

Up next: Ten adorable kitten videos you can’t stop watching. And later tonight, we’ll be doing an interview with the Professor about the properties of gift shop amulets, and whether scientists will ever be able to reproduce them. Until then, this is your loyal reporter, signing off.

Personal Note:

The idea for this blog post was inspired a few days ago when we were on a long drive to our next house. We played a game called debate club, where we would pick a subject (for example, which is the most refined cuisine) and each person would pick the topic they thought would win. Mom won every time. I really enjoyed writing this blog post, and it was really fun getting to bring back the reporter. Every cuisine is delicious in its own way, and I love them all.