The Golden Age of Gift Shops

Relics, Rituals, and Souvenirs of Early Europe

By Abigail Strauss

“As you all know,” said the Professor, “commerce has been around for hundreds of centuries. As the finder of the oldest known store, I happen to be an expert on it. Can anyone tell me how old we believe it to be?”

A voice from the back of the classroom squeaked, “3048?”

“Why, even older than that! Try another 1,000 years! That’s right, this special place was in what was once known as Prague, Czechia, and dates all the way back to the year 2025.”

“First of all, I would like to talk about the importance of these stores. Known as ‘gift shops,’ they held items of great importance and have been found in almost every large city in Europe. These ‘gift shops’ were used to protect their most cherished amulets and treasures.”

“Would you like to learn about what was found within?”

This question was met with nodding and clapping.

“We begin with the most common amulet. These small objects were once known as magnets. With bright colors and designs, they were highly sought after and were made in huge quantities. They are believed to have been almost worshipped, being placed as protectors on the containers in which people stored their food.”

“Another talisman that was found in this ‘gift shop’ was called a keychain. Hooked around the owner’s bag, they would make small jingling noises, warning off evil spirits who wished to corrupt the owner’s mind.”

A student raised their hand and asked, “What were some of the rarer treasures?”

The Professor smiled and said, “The rarer totems were usually found at the desk in the corner of the store. The desk, also known as the ‘check-out,’ held many smaller, more expensive items. These were much harder to come by.”

“Some of these included lollipops, which were long rods with sweet sugar crystals on one end. They were used to give the eater unbelievable sweetness, and even the smallest lick could stimulate a burst of flavor on the tongue. Different names, like ‘blue raspberry’ or ‘mystery,’ gave different reactions, and all were loved. The largest following of the ‘lollipop way’ must have been the smaller humans. Known as ‘pesky little buggers,’ they would often beg or do hard tasks just for a single lick.”

“Were there any gods they worshipped?” asked a student in the front row.

The Professor gravely nodded. “This is a very gruesome fact, but some of the stores would sell goblets to be used in disgusting rituals of their god. I’ll only continue if you don’t get queasy.”

None of the disciples did, so the Professor continued.

“The followers of the god, who was known as ‘The World’s Best Dad,’ would fill their goblets with a bitter-tasting liquid and drink it every morning. The more dedicated ones would sometimes do it multiple times a day. It is believed the liquid was the blood of the very one they worshipped.”

Everyone gasped, and one student turned a little pale.

“Let us move on,” said the Professor quickly.

“We have one more topic to cover before the end of this class. By far the rarest and most sought-after amulet was the one known as ‘stickers.’ Coming in all shapes and sizes, they were a thing of beauty. But after being completely dominated by the sheer number of magnets, their presence dwindled. Their ability to stick to any surface, and to be used as decoration or defacement, made them very hard to come by. The last remaining one was found on a water bottle. It is displayed at the Museum of Gift Shop History.”

“And with that, our lecture is over.”

This was met with a chorus of “awws” from the students.

“I’m so glad you enjoyed this. Who knows? Perhaps you’ll be the one to discover the next big thing. The world of the gift shop is filled with dark secrets and beautiful surprises. Maybe there’s more to it than meets the eye.”

Personal Note:

Tourism, in my opinion, can be good or bad. It can bring people to the area and create business for restaurants and shops, but it can also completely overtake and ruin those places. One of the cities we visited, Prague, was completely taken over by tourist shops, souvenirs, and rip offs. And most of the shops sold the same 10 things. I also find that food near tourist attractions can be pricey and not very good. This blog post is almost a mockery of just how silly some of the things sold in gift shops can be.

Here are some other things that we have found in gift shops:

Cheap clothing, bucket hats with crazy patterns, stuffed animals, statues of famous landmarks, troll figurines, wooden animals, rings or bracelets, chocolates or candy, stroop-wafels, postcards, pens and pencils, tote bags, coin purses, tulip bulbs, rubber ducks, and a lot more weird things.