Tim Burr and the Legendary
A Story of a Very Clumsy Boy
By Abigail Strauss
Hi. My name is Tim. Tim Burr. Yes, I know what you’re thinking, and yes, I do get teased a lot. But the name fits me. I trip over my own shadow. I can’t run 3 steps without falling. And I once tripped while sitting in a chair.
Why did my parents choose this name? I guess if you’re a parent, and see your brand new baby somehow tripping while crawling, you’d do the same too. Anyway, my life isn’t the easiest, but I get by.
I go to Highview Middle School. That name isn’t as fitting as my own. You see, I live in Grefton, Arizona. That means the only view you get is of tumbleweeds and dirt. Lots and lots of dirt. As for high? In this rinky dinky town, the highest thing you see is an ice cream cone from Luca’s.
What’s Luca’s? The only highlight of living in Grefton, that’s what. Every day after school, I go straight there. Luca’s Ice Cream Parlor is amazing. His ice creams come in 189 flavors, and he’s constantly inventing new ones. I haven’t tried them all, I’m only at 106. But the best part? The cones. When you order an ice cream, you can usually get it in a cup or cone. At Luca’s? Try a cookie cone, or a pie crust cup. Or if you’re feeling brave, you can try The Legendary.
The Legendary is almost mythical. Only one person has ever attempted to eat it. They exploded after flavor number 93. The Legendary is an ice cream cone with a scoop of every flavor on the menu. And today, I’m going to conquer it.
You see, I’m not the most popular kid. I’m certainly not a jock, definitely not rich, don’t look cool, and am always spilling drinks on my pants. So, as you can imagine, I get picked on a lot. Some of my nicknames include Lumberjack, Sir Falls-A-Lot, Boring Burr, and Tumbleweed. It all started last Tuesday, when I made the huge mistake of getting spaghetti in the cafeteria.
I was minding my own business, walking with my tray to the table in the corner where I usually sat (by myself) when a huge brick wall with greasy black hair stepped out in front of me.
Okay, I must admit, it wasn’t a brick wall, but it was as close to a brick wall as you could get. Red face, towers over you, super strong, and the same intelligence level. Meet Garret Lop. If you even mention a carrot, he will storm over and give you a massive wedgie. He once did it to a lunch lady for asking if he wanted some carrot cake. And Jeremy Cubbins once walked up to Garret and said “Garret Lop the Carrot Top.” He was never seen again.
I got a little off track, but now we’re back to the story. I skidded to a stop immediately, knowing what would happen if he saw me. Unfortunately, I stopped so fast that the top of my body kept going. This caused tripping accident #1,708. As I fell, my lunch kept going. It flew through the air, until it landed with an audible plop on the top of Garret’s head.
It slid off, leaving trails of spaghetti sauce all over his hair and face. He stared down at me, boiling with rage. I braced for a wedgie, squeezed my eyes shut, and nothing happened. I heard the words, shaking with anger. “You. Me. Luca’s. Sunday at 3:00. Miss it, and you’ll be sorry.” I nodded, shocked that he would let me live until then.
The next week was a blur. My mind was racing, trying to figure out what he had in store for me. Every time I walked past him in the hall, he would crack his knuckles. On Friday, posters went up all over the school. I paid no attention, until Garret shoved one in my face, chuckling. “Garret vs. Boring Burr in the ultimate showdown. Sunday at 3:00. First to finish the Legendary wins. Loser becomes the personal servant to the other for the rest of the year.”
“See you soon.” crooned Garret, as he continued walking down the hallway. I buried my face in my hands and wept. How could I do this? Why didn’t he just wedgie me? It would have been so much easier, so much faster. Instead I had to face the humiliation and excruciating pain of a brain freeze if I lost. And I would have to do his bidding too! I cursed my luck, and hoped with all my might that somehow Garret would get sick, or get amnesia and forget all about it. But deep inside me, I knew it could never happen.
Now that you’re all caught up, let’s continue the story. Sunday was warm and sunny. Blue skies all around, and would have been a beautiful day, if not for the overshadowing of my upcoming ice cream execution. I tried in vain to distract myself. Then the clock ticked to 2:30. I told my parents I loved them, and said goodbye for maybe the very last time. I stepped out of the door, and began to walk.
As I approached Luca’s I saw a solemn crowd. I knew that they pitied me, but at the same time, I could see relief on their faces for not being the target of Garret’s punishment. I trudged through the crowd, feeling like a prisoner going to the gallows. I walked up the front steps, took one last look at the sky, and then opened the door. The bell jingled, and from within the parlor, I knew that Garret’s leering face was waiting.
To be continued…
Personal Note:
I really enjoyed this blog post because I got to change my style of writing. For some reason, writing a story from a kids over-exaggerated point of view was really fun. I want to continue writing with this character, so if you have any suggestions, leave it in the comments and I’ll try to make it happen.
